Purposeful Kindness

Purposeful Kindness

What if you woke up every morning and were purposefully kind to yourself?  What do you think your day would be like?  Wondrous, kind, full of grace and ease, loving, fun, happy….

And then, to be able to share that kind of energy with the world….  Take a moment and think about the possibilities.

I believe it is our authentic nature to be kind, to help, to be full of grace, to work together.  But if you’re not kind to yourself, how then can you truly ~ authentically ~ be kind to others?  I know when I’m cranky, snarky, and in a frantic rush to get things done, I am not being kind to myself, let alone to others.

Stay clear of the wrath of Shannon.  Yikes! 

So why is it that you try so hard to be kind to others, to give them a break, a second chance ~ even a third and a fourth ~ but when it comes to yourself?  Forget it.

I’ve learned over the years that if I take care of myself first, I am that much more able to care for others.  When I was a Flight Attendant one of the first safety instructions I announced to my passengers was to tell them they had to put their oxygen masks on first BEFORE they helped others.  You can’t help someone else if you are busy suffocating.

If you think about it, this absolutely makes logical sense.  But it’s amazing to me how often we, women especially, refuse to put our oxygen masks on first.  Sometimes it’s an old program/pattern that tells you, you must be selfless at all costs, or it’s just that you’re too damn busy to realize you’re slowly suffocating, until it’s too late.

How do you shift this learned behavior?

Start acting with Purposeful Kindness toward yourself.  If you are the common thread ~ the thread that binds all the experiences of your life together ~ then think about the transformational power treating yourself with Purposeful Kindness can manifest.  The possibilities are limitless.

What if when you woke up your first thought was, “I love myself,” “I am worthy,” “I am filled with kindness for myself and others.”  Your entire day would shift from dragging to uplifting, from “How am I going to get through this?” to “I can do this!”

If our thoughts have energy, and I believe they do, then we get to choose the kind of energy we put out in the Universe on a moment by moment basis.  Oh, the power ~ the power to do good and bring about healing and love and laughter, OR the power to devolve into fear and anger and resentment and hate and jealousy and self-loathing.

Purposeful Kindness can help focus this power to manifest in a positive self-ing manner.

I learned the term “self-ing” some time ago, and I wish I could remember which author/mentor shared it with me, but I give them credit here.  The shift in my consciousness moving from being selfish to being self-ing was amazingly profound and I believe a key component on my journey to Good Enough-ness.

So often, women have had to deal with the stigma of being selfish when we just want a moment to and for ourselves.  For so long, women have put themselves last on their ‘to do’ list because of their fear of being labeled ‘selfish.’  For many of us, this is anathema.  We become so caught up in not being selfish that we forget to put our oxygen masks on first and we suffocate our authentic selves and die spiritually, break down mentally, and become ill with dis-ease.

We know this isn’t the way things are supposed to be, but we also have no fucking clue how to fix it.  We only know that if we don’t, we’ll cease to exist.  And if there is one thing that will kick you in the ass like nothing else will, it’s the knowledge that you are dying (spiritually, emotionally, sometimes even physically) and if you do not do something RIGHT NOW, you will be dead.

I wish it didn’t come to this for anyone ~ it’s a very deep, dark, fathomless abyss to reside in.  But sometimes we need to see the end result in order to change.

Purposeful Kindness can heal us all, if we just allow it.

Purposeful Kindness is self-ing with a capital S ~ taking care of yourself so you can then take care of those you love with greater ease, more joy, more energy, patience, acceptance, and love.  Why is this so?  Because you’ve just treated yourself with these same loving, kind energies.

What we put out, we receive tenfold.

Purposeful Kindness means you leave the Judge behind, leave the old tapes repeating every unkind word or thought burning in the Light transforming into love energy so you can move forward with action and with Purposeful Kindness toward yourself and, therefore, others.

Purposeful Kindness is usually the first thing to go when we get busy; it is for me at least.  I start out with the intention to treat myself with kindness, to put myself first, but usually by mid-December I have somehow lost myself to the hectic whirlwind of winter work.  Most often I resent this; sometimes I accept this as ‘just how things are.’  It’s the latter that makes me the saddest.  It means that I am okay with ‘just going through the motions,’ doing what ‘has to be done just to get through the work day’ and I have left myself locked outside in the cold and dark alone.  This is my form of abuse and Purposeful Kindness is the only thing I know that unlocks the door and welcomes me back home.

But it generally takes the Spring, the joy of Summer being just around the corner, to wake me up to the fact that, yes, once again, I’ve repeated a pattern I had thought I had shifted permanently ~ hah!

I am getting better at self-ing with a capital S, and as things progress from one year to the next, I find myself stronger, more fully grounded in Purposeful Kindness, but it is a conscious choice.  Knowing what Purposeful Kindness means to me, helps.

Purposeful Kindness means that I go to bed and go to sleep earlier and that I get up at 5am and write ~ journal, edit, brainstorm, create ~ and watch the dark sky brighten with glorious light.

Purposeful Kindness is exercising my body, eating healthy foods that make me feel good, and drink LOTS of water.

Purposeful Kindness is staying in touch with my friends and family and staying in touch with myself, and that when I choose to share my energy I am not already depleted.

Purposeful Kindness is believing in myself enough to not give up on my dream of becoming a published author, to help others help themselves and to heal where it is my place to heal, to listen with awareness, and to love wholly and completely ~ and I mean I do this for myself then for others.  (LOL.  As I’m writing this, the Voice inside my head is saying, “You mean AND for others.”  “No.  I meant and mean, then.  See?  Self-ing in action.)

So, my Beautiful You friends, I invite you to take the time and find out what Purposeful Kindness means to you.  And then ACT on it with joy and love and positive intention.  Remember to be kind and gentle and understanding if this isn’t as easy as you think it should be.  Baby steps….

And if it helps, as a once upon a time Flight Attendant, I give you permission to put your oxygen mask on first!

Happy Cultivating.

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